One Last Time
by Aigerim Lehane
Summary: She whispers how much she missed me. How much she loves me. How sorry she is. I want to believe every single one. I pretend I do. (Jade/Tori 3 years after graduation)
1. Chapter 1

_Prompt: Hey Gera, as a Prompt I'm in a real mood of some Angsty Jori Smut. Work yer magic!_

_For lovely **ana aint in china**____!_

_I feel like I've dragged it out and didn't expand it enough at the same time... Oh well. _

_Soundtrack for the sex scene: 'You Hand In Mine' by Explosions In The Sky_

_Please review and let me know! I will probably do the same but from Jade's POV._

* * *

'What goes around, comes around'. The thought is pulsating in my brain as I sweep yet another shattered wine glass from the floor with my shaking hands, a crackling fireplace the only noise in our empty house.

Well, her house. I've moved in with Jade about a year ago. I honestly still don't know why.

'What goes around, comes around'.

And if I am being completely honest, I have no idea why I still keep up with this charade of a relationship Jade and I have found ourselves in.

It's not like we're in love. Mutually, at least.

'What goes around, comes around'.

A broom falls to the wooden floor as I let out a frustrated scream, trying to focus on anything else but the stupid saying that's been in my head for God knows how long.

Probably since the beginning of our affair.

It's so true it hurts. 'What goes around, comes around'. She cheated on Beck with me. She cheats on me with everyone else. Sometimes, I like to kid myself that I had the power to not give in to her back when we were in high school, and then I remember that I didn't stand a chance.

I was in love with her long before she seduced me. And while it doesn't make any fucking sense whatsoever, I think I was in love with her long before I actually met her.

She's it for me. Or was 'it' for me. Or never was anything for me.

The latter thought is new and bitter, filled with broken promises and crashed illusions as I slump to the couch, spent. The leather feels cold under my bare feet as I curl up, barely noticing blood seeping from my toes. Right. The wine glass I threw against the wall in my feeble rage as the clock struck three in the morning and Jade was still nowhere to be seen.

I guess three a.m. is the best time to get drunk and fuck a random model. Personally I wouldn't know, you have to get Jade's opinion on the matter. She's been researching in that field for years now.

The thoughts in my mind are just as shaky as my hands, trembling in them making me miss a few times before I finally manage to light up the cigarette. I welcome the burn as it trickles down my throat, reaching my lungs. She hates it when I smoke, and I find satisfaction deep inside my chest every time she catches me and fights with me over it. At least she still cares. Just a little bit. It's barely noticeable, but it's still there somewhere.

I'm so tired.

All I ever wanted was for her to notice me. To accept me. And as I discovered later, to reciprocate my feelings. Neither of those three worked out in the way I wanted them to.

All I want now is to be free. I know I never will be, of course I know that. She's a virus that's settled in my veins, she's tainted my blood and I'm never getting her out, but maybe, just maybe, breathing will get a little bit easier when I won't have to watch her sleep with the entire female population of LA.

The escape has been on the table for years, but I never thought I'd actually go with it. But now, as I blindly toss clothes into a suitcase, I catch myself thinking that maybe I'm not as spineless as I thought.

But, as I race downstairs with bags in my hands, the thought disappears, leaving me alone with Jade studying an unfinished cigarette and spilled wine.

"You smoked again," she states, not looking at me as she stubs the cigarette butt. "What happened here? Did you-" her gaze finally falls on me, and she lets out a small laugh. "Seriously, Vega?"

I shrug. There is not much I can say, really. Everything's pretty obvious.

"What are you doing," she carelessly tosses at me. "It's three in the morning."

Exactly, Jade.

"I'm leaving," I say, no emotion coloring my tone.

"Vega, cut it out," she snapped, approaching me at a leisured pace. "Lose the suitcase. C'mon, baby," she nuzzles my neck, and I just stay still, too tired to fight her, and surprised to realize that for the first time in forever I don't care much for her advances. Her lips don't make my heart race, her hands don't heat my skin up; I'm cold as a stone, and just as motionless as one.

"I'm leaving, Jade," I let out quietly, sidestepping her and going for the exit, only for her to catch my arm and draw me closer to her body.

"Vega-"

"I said I'm leaving!" I burst suddenly, sharply, feeling the fire that hasn't been here for a long time. It's empowering, making Jade speechless for once as she gapes at my anger. "I don't want to talk it out, I don't to fight, I don't want a scene, I just want to calmly walk out of this door, and I want you to stand here and do nothing," I say coolly, getting a fallen bag and once again making my way to the door.

"Wait," she hurries after me, and I sigh. Why does she insist on wasting our time? "Wait, Vega- Tori."

That stops me.

"What did you just call me?" I ask lowly.

"Tori, you're bleeding," she ignores my question, catching my arm, this time far gentler, making me face her. "Your feet are bleeding," she repeats, an unusual look of concern creasing her features. "Tori, please tell me what's going on here. Did you… did you take something?"

I laugh, I can't help it. I completely lose it, doubling over and howling with laughter at her question.

Why the fuck would I do drugs when I already have you to ruin me, Jade?

Her worried face makes me laugh even harder.

"Tori, what did you take?"

I shake my head, calming down just as suddenly as I started.

"I'm leaving," I slowly say to her. "I'm not on drugs, I haven't gone crazy – actually, I think I'm quite the opposite now. Just let me go."

"What do you mean you're leaving?" She's livid now, a much more familiar version of Jade. I find comfort in that, and it's twisted, but I welcome it anyway. "You're not going _anywhere_!"

"Jade," I catch her flailing arms this time, making her look at me as I wear a serious expression. "Listen to me," I begin, condescending, like a teacher trying to explain a theory to a particularly difficult student. "I am done here, you hear me? I am walking out of that door, and we never see each other again, okay? You get to fuck everyone you want, throw parties whenever you want, hell, cook meth and snort it for all I care because _I am done._"

"You're serious," she breaths, and I raise an eyebrow at her fake heartbroken expression. "You're leaving me."

"But _can_ I actually leave you, though?" I question. "You were never mine in the first place."

"Tori-"

"Don't fucking call me that!" I scream out, and she actually _flinches_. "Don't," I repeat, breathing hard with anger. "You lost the right to call me that a long time ago. You don't get to call me anything."

"At least wait till morning," she pleads, desperation clear in her voice, and I have to forcefully remind myself that it's an act. It's all an act. "Where are you gonna go in the middle of the night?"

"I'll find my way around," I shrug. "I heard Andre was in town."

Her hand is on my forearm in an instant, squeezing painfully as she stares me down, her eyes stormy with fury.

"You don't go anywhere near him," she spits out. "You understand?"

"Why? Because he's in love with me? Because you think I'm gonna sleep with him?" I push her away. "Newsflash, Jade: I'm _not_ you. And I'm not gonna use his feelings just to get back at you. Not that you'd care, anyway," I shrug.

"…I care," she chokes. "Of course I care."

"Really? You don't want anyone else to play with your most expensive doll, is that it?" I fire at her. "You don't want anyone to touch your prized possession, _the_ Victoria Vega, Jade's_ muse,_" I mock her interviews. "You never cared about me, Jade," I whisper, suddenly tired and spent, struggling to stand. "All you care about is showing me off, and that's all I'll ever be to you."

"Tori, that's not-"

"No!" I scream. "I told you to never call me that."

I have to get out of here before I do something I'll regret. Well, more than I already have.

"If you do care about me," I say softly, meeting her gaze. "If you _ever_ cared about me – you'll let me go."

She tries to say something, but I don't want to hear it. I don't want anything. I need to get away from her. She suffocates me with her presence, blanking my mind, and I need to get out of here.

The pavement is cold against my cut feet as I finally walk away, the door closing behind me with a soft click.

* * *

A week.

Seven days without Jade. Seven days of me swimming in and out of consciousness, fourteen bottles of various alcohol and God knows how many take-out boxes scattered across a hotel room – that's what it takes for me to begin to contemplate functioning like a human being.

I've been dodging everyone's calls. Friends, the studio, my agents, Jade – everyone got the same treatment of me ignoring them as I mindlessly got drunk over and over again, holed up in a low-profile hotel outside the city. I want to say I feel better, I really do, but I don't feel any different.

Well, my throat feels like a cancer patient's from the packs I smoked, but that fact only adds to my shitty state.

I attempt to remove it with a hot shower, but, sadly, you can't shower your soul. You can only consume unhealthy amounts of take-out and ice-cream, and that's exactly what I've been doing for the past two hours. I've yet to feel better.

"I knew I should've checked here in the first place."

I make no move to get up from the bed as Jade breaks into my room, softly closing the door behind her. What's the point? She's found me.

"What do you want?" I ask tiredly, placing the carton box on a bedside table.

"You."

Her gentle whisper aggravates me.

"Then you can leave right now," I state curtly. "That's the thing you're not gonna get."

"Tori- Vega," she corrects herself after my glare. "I just want to talk. Please."

"There is nothing to talk about."

"There is _everything_ to talk about."

"Less with the cryptic, more with the actual talking," I get up, irritated. "I have things to do."

"I love you."

I see red as rage washes over me.

"_Don't,_" I hiss at her. "I can't even- this is unbelievable," I laugh. "It's not enough that you cheat on me, and generally use me for your own selfish needs, huh? Now you decide to toy with my feelings for you? You must be really desperate if you play the 'I love you' card."

"I'm not playing," she says quietly, and now I want to punch her. "I do love you."

"Right," I drawl mockingly. "Jade, cut the crap. We both know why the hell you kept me around in the first place. I'm this shiny new toy that everyone wants, and you had to have me all to yourself. Victoria Vega is hot news, but Victoria Vega _and_ Jade West? Power couple of the century," I laugh, the sound void of mirth. "And now you're afraid your reputation will fall apart if people find out I dumped you. So I'm gonna go ahead and save us both time. Tell everyone you dumped me, I don't care," I stand up and walk over to her, opening the door. "Now get out."

Her hand is on my arm, cautious, gentle.

"I'm not walking away from you," she whispers, and I want to scream and break things as how tender her voice is. "Tori, I fucked up so bad, and I'm _so _sorry. And I know I could apologize a million times and it won't make up for what I did. Nothing will make up for what I did." She's so close now, and I can't find the strength to step away from her. "I don't deserve you," her hand is slow as it strokes my cheek. "I never did, and probably that's why I constantly sabotaged my own happiness. But I'm too selfish to let you go," she finishes in a broken murmur. "Take me back, and I'll spend my life showing you how genuine my feelings are for you. Please, Tori," she breaths against my lips. "Take me back…"

_(suggested soundtrack_: _'You Hand In Mine' by Explosions In The Sky)_

We're kissing. Her lips are so very tender on mine, and my mind screams at me to push her away, to kick her out of my life once and for all, but I'm not that strong. When it comes to Jade, I'm the weakest person in the world. She's my poison, a deadly drug slowly killing me from the inside, and God, I can't believe how much I _missed_ her.

She's everywhere, her scent invading my nostrils, her body melting into mine, her arms around me the only thing holding me up, and I smirk inwardly at the irony. She's holding me together and yet she's the one that tears me apart, every minute of every fucking day.

"Tori," she gasps in my neck, soft, loving kisses covering my skin. "I missed you so much. I was going crazy trying to find you," she distances herself slightly to look me in the eye. "You have no idea how worried I was."

You're right, I don't. I don't have any idea, because I don't believe you. But God, how I missed you, terribly so.

She's unnerving me with this gentle pace. My skin itches at her tender touch, and I grow restless in her hold, doubt gnawing at my chest. It's uncomfortable, it's unfamiliar, and as much as I want this, I can't deal with the sudden splash of feelings from her. So I snap.

Her back hits the wall with a soft thud as I slam into her, my mouth harsh and unforgiving on hers, teeth and lips smashed together in a brutal kiss. I tear at her clothes, I dug my fingers in her skin, a bit too deep, a touch too painful, and she notices.

"No," she whispers softly, but her hold on me is firm as she stops me. "This isn't us."

"This is _exactly_ what we are," I rebuff sharply. "Don't make it into something it's not."

Her answer is another kiss. Another soft, gentle kiss, lips barely touching as we breathe each other in. My chest is painful as my heartstrings burst.

"Let me do this, Tori," she pleads. "I beg you. Give me this one night, and if tomorrow you still want us to take a break, I will give you the space you need."

I don't miss her clever wording. That's not what I'm after. I want her gone, out of my life. No taking breaks and giving space. That's what couples do in a relationship, and we are neither.

But I don't fight, simply because I can't. I'm tired, and I missed her, and her touch is foreign and exciting in its tenderness, so I don't fight her.

One night. One night, and then I'm gone. She doesn't need to know that.

She whispers how much she missed me. How much she loves me. How sorry she is.

I want to believe every single one. I pretend I do.

I'm placed on the bed with her following suit, nestling between my legs as she peppers my neck and jawline with gentle kisses, soothing me with her hushed words. I can't help but gasp at the feeling of her body on mine, the weight calming and igniting at the same time, the familiar slow burn starting up in the pit of my stomach.

"Jade…" Her name is the first word I say that's not malicious and cold, and I feel her shiver against me at the sound of my voice.

"I'm here," she whispers between kisses and caresses. "I got you."

My robe hits the floor together with her jacket, and it's unfair how naked I am before a still clothed Jade. Nothing changed. I'm defenseless and vulnerable with nothing to cover me up from her.

But she waits. Her hands guide my arms to the hem of her shirt and the button of her pants, and my fingers are awkward as they fumble with everything. I'm tense with anticipation as I tug the clothes off her, and again she's here to slow me down, to kiss away the tension coiled in my body, and I have no idea how to react to that.

It becomes too much.

"I can't do this," I gasp, pushing at her shoulders. "Jade-"

"Look at me," she instructs softly. "_Really_ look at me. I'm with you, and I'm not going anywhere. Trust me, Tori."

I do as she asks. There is nothing but love and guilt, radiating in waves off her, and I swallow the lump in my throat at the look on her face.

One night.

Once again, I choose to lose myself in delusions, calming down. And as she goes back to kissing me, I struggle with breathing for entirely different reasons.

Jade takes her time, mapping out my body with her hands and her lips, and I arch into her against my will, her name falling from the tip of my tongue.

The heat is unbearable, both in my body and in the air. It's heavy with unspoken words and all the hurt, my hurt; the one Jade is responsible for. I barely balance between being with her and slipping into a complete freak-out, but she's there, somehow picking up on everything I feel, ready to soothe me and put me at ease.

I pretend for her benefit. I wish I could say that the want I feel is made up, too.

She's up with me, again, her forehead against my own as she caresses me with her gaze, her hand stroking my side as another one lifts up my leg around her waist.

We both sigh as our heated cores make contact, rubbing in the most delicious of ways. It's too intimate, too honest to be real, and I physically force myself to get lost in the sensation. It's our last time. Better make it count.

"Tori," she chokes out as she settles into a slow rhythm, making me gasp as I dig my fingers in her shoulders. I moan, arching my back into her, my legs falling even more open as I take her in.

And then she goes completely over the line. She traces a line along my arm, gently taking my right hand from her shoulder and guiding it to the pillow, entwining our fingers, her gaze never leaving my face as she does so.

"God, you're so beautiful," she murmurs.

I'm scared, and she sees that. I don't know what to believe anymore.

She kisses me everywhere her lips can reach, dropping tiny kisses all over my neck, my shoulders, my chest, my jaw. She kisses all over my face, and I don't realize at first that the wetness I feel is from my tears and not from her lips.

I'm crying during sex, and that's fucked up beyond words.

She kisses away each and every of my tears, whispering apologies over and over again as she continues to gently take me, her hand tightening on mine, making my heart go up in flames.

And then it's fast. Everything spins out of control as we become a blur, and I can't stop my hips from rolling up into her as I get closer to reaching my peak with her.

"I love you," a sharp, satisfying ache fills up my chest as she whispers, rocking with me, taking us higher. "I love you…"

I cry out as I come, a quivering mess of trashing limbs in her arms, and I taste coppery as I bite down on my lip, either in ecstasy or to stop a flood of tears – I'm not sure. She's with me, again, just like she promised, my name falling from her in a sharp cry as she practically melts into me, shuddering, tumbling down from her high.

"I love you," she chokes out against my neck. Her mouth is on mine again as she pours her heart out. As I cradle her face in my hands, I realize she's crying, too.

She trembles as she tries to calm down, letting out a shaky breath and rolling on her side, facing me. I face her, too, turning just slightly, curling up as I watch her.

"I mean it, all of it," she says quietly after she gets herself under control. "_Please,_" she begs, desperate, heartbroken, and as much as I know she doesn't deserve it, my heart reaches out to her. "You have to believe me, or at least give me a chance to make you believe me." She searches my face with her gorgeous eyes, clear blue after her tears. "I _love_ you."

I can't stop myself even if I try.

"I love you, too," my whisper is shattered, barely audible as it makes it past my lips, but Jade hears. She lights up, just like that, like Christmas decorations we hung back in high school, when I still naively trusted her and hoped she actually loved me back. "I love you," I say, just a bit louder, almost reassuring myself.

She gathers me in her arms and rubs her face along my neck, a gesture so affectionate and caring it makes me choked up with emotion. Either she's ready for an Oscar, or I'm going crazy.

It can't be real.

"I thought I lost you," she speaks up softly, breaking the silence after a while. "I did lose you, and it hit me: I can't go on without you. I was so scared I won't find you," she breathes out in my hair, nuzzling it, leaving a sweet kiss. "Please, don't leave me again," she begs, her hands back to shaking.

I'm not ready to promise something like this, especially since I was planning on doing exactly just that. So I keep silent, instead grazing my lips on her collarbone as I snuggle further into her embrace.

One night.

"Tori, I just want you to-"

"Jade, please," I interrupt her quietly. "Can we talk in the morning?" Because then I won't be here to face it.

Another kiss falls near my temple, painfully sweet.

"Sure."

Soon, her breathing grows deeper, her hold on me tightening even more as she sleeps, afraid to let me go. Deep down, she knows I'm going to leave, and she's not making it easy for me, but I still slip away from her early in the morning. Her sleep was always the heaviest at the sunrise.

The door creaks open as I gaze at her sleeping form, her clutching my pillow, mumbling my name as she dreams, and I allow myself to dream, too. I see her cooking us breakfast at our home, and I see us cuddling in front of TV, and I see us laughing in the park or on a road trip, and my heart feels tight against my ribcage.

It wasn't real. Even if she herself thinks she loves me, it's still not real, and I have to remind that myself once again as I force myself to pull away.

I glance at her. If only everything she said were true, we would be perfect. It all could be perfect, but only if what just happened were actually true.

The door shuts with a soft click.


	2. Chapter 2

_And this story has a new character. Thank you, Vampire Diaries, for giving us the sassy, obnoxious, obsessed-with-projects You'll-Know-Who. I just needed a certain type of sidekick, and no one from Victorious could cut it :) _

_Please review!_

* * *

_ 'Victoria Vega, call me back this instant! You have three singles to record and a shitload of scripts to look through!'_

_'Tori, is it something I did? Please call me, I'm getting worried.'_

_'What's going on? Where are you? Is it Jade-related? Of course it's about Jade. I swear I will dislocate her spine one day.'_

_'I am seriously one voicemail away from calling the cops, so you better answer me or I'm going to imagine your bruised corpse dumped somewhere in the dessert. Oh, right – been doing so for two days! Either call me back or FBI's coming your way.'_

I breathe an exasperated sigh after listening to the last voicemail my agent left me. Currently, I'm torn between two thoughts: _'if I'd known she'd turn out to be such a control freak, I wouldn't have hired her'_, and _'who the hell am I kidding, I hired her _specifically_ because she's a control freak and now I must suffer'._

The screen lights up again as I slide my finger across it to find 'Caroline Forbes' in my contacts. My hand hesitates as it hovers above the phone, and with another heavy sigh I press the call button.

Caroline answers on the first ring.

"_I'm so ready to kill you right now!_" The blonde screeched, making me wince at her shrillness. "_Do you have any idea how _worried_ I was?!"_

"Care, please," I mumble tiredly, and immediately there's silence on the other side. Caroline obviously picked up on my mood, and now she's cautiously weighing her options and possible questions.

See, Caroline's not just my agent. She also happens to be my best friend, and I still can't decide if that's a good thing or a bad one.

"_I knew it was that… that _skank," she mutters angrily. At least the volume noticeably decreased. I'm thankful for little things like that. "_What did she do this time, because I really can't think of anything she hasn't done before, which, subsequently, once again makes me question just when are going to tell her to go to hell._"

I blink as I try to process the flood of information Caroline supplied me with, all in one breath.

"How do you even know it has anything to do with Jade?"

"_Cause Jade always has everything to do with anything bad in your life, duh,_" she states sassily, and I can just picture her light green eyes rolling up as she says that. "_Seriously, Tori, when are you going to open your eyes an-_"

"I broke up with her."

The other line is quiet for a second before it practically bursts with Caroline squealing.

"_Finally! Whatever compelled you to even consider going out with that disaster is now over!_" She gasps then. "_We have to throw a party!_"

"Please tell me you're not about to celebrate my break-up."

"_Uh, no, I can't do that because I'm not a compulsive pathologic liar unlike a _certain_ ex of yours._" God, Caroline and her attitude. "_You have no idea how exciting it is to finally be able to call her your ex._"

"Your excitement over my pathetic love life is disturbing," I informed my hyper agent, closing my eyes as I slid against the wall to the wooden floor.

"_Honey, you don't have a _love_ life per se since what you had with Jade wasn't love by a long shot._"

Sure, Care. Let me just lie down so you can continue to kick me.

"Look, I don't want to talk about it," I said, exhausted by this conversation. "I just called so you won't organize a nationwide search party, and also to inform you that I'm taking a vacation."

"_But… details, Tori! And wait, how long a vacation we're talking here?"_

"Two weeks tops, and I'm _not_ giving you any details."

"_Two weeks?! Tori, are you aware what- look, I get it, trust me, I do, but you can't do that to me! First you disappear for a week, leaving just one vague e-mail, then you send a totally random text, and go MIA again for four days! I was almost eaten alive by the studio!_"

"Care," I just say pleadingly, rubbing my temples as another headache approaches.

"…_Fine,_" she grumbles after a beat of silence. "_But I'm getting those details from you._"

"Not over the phone."

"_Sure, be a teasing bitch." _She's quiet again before continuing, in a much softer tone than before: "_Look, to be honest, I don't give a flying crap about the studio and the work. It's you I care about, and if you need anything else… I'm sorry I overreacted just now."_

"No, I'm the one who should be apologizing. If I could get back to work right this moment, I would, but… I just- I can't, Care," my voice breaks at the end as I will myself not to break down in sobs.

"_Hey, hey, don't you shed one tear over that bitch,_" Caroline berates me jokingly. "_And no need to apologize, either. You know I live for this stuff, that's why you hired me._"

"Thanks, Care," I smile into the phone.

"_We're cool. Well, we'd be even cooler if you doubled my paycheck, but no pressure._"

For the first time in almost two weeks, I let out a small laugh.

"I'll think about it, but you know I'm not the one who decides on your salary."

"_Whatever. I was planning on quitting anyway so I would be able to be your best friend full-time and not have to jiggle it with being your agent._"

This time, I do let out a small sob.

"_Tori…_" Caroline breathed out pitifully, causing another sob to leave my chest. "_Tell me where you are, and I'll bring tons of ice-cream and bad chick flicks, okay?_"

I shake my head, fully aware that I have to form actual words, but not being able to do so.

"…No, I'll be okay," I take a deep cleansing breath, fighting with the coming meltdown. "Just give me two weeks. I'll be okay," I say the last part to myself, forcefully, angrily.

"_I'm one call away,_" Care warned me. "_If you need me, just call me, and I'll be there. Even if you ran away to Europe and Japan or whatever. I'll put the ticket on company's bill anyway._"

I giggle, feeling somehow lighter than before, and that reminds me once again why Caroline is still my best friend despite my occasional desire to strangle her.

"Deal," I state into the phone before hanging up and taking a look around. Typical hallway on a typical second floor of a typical suburb house. If I look outside, I will be greeted with a green yard, white picket fence and rows of other houses, identical to the one I'm in now. If Caroline does come over, she won't be spending a small fortune of company's money on a ticket. Mystic Falls, Virginia is not that far from LA, although I'm fairly certain Care wasn't going to take the three-day drive I went through.

Small towns are good at one thing: hiding from the outside world. Especially when you're an aspiring celebrity. That's what I had in mind when I drove. Other points for Mystic Falls: my late Nana left me a house there, and I never told anyone about it, with the exception of my family. Seeing as no one's been ringing my doorbell the whole day, I guessed they didn't fess up about this place as my possible hideout.

Another cherry on top of this rather depressing sundae is me being able to visit coffee shops without constant harassment. Yes, I love my fans, and yes, I'm not that famous for them to be piling up on me, but right now I doubt I'll be able to handle even a simple polite hello, because I am that shattered.

The kettle I forgot on the stove wails indignantly, and I hurry down the stairs to turn it off, only to be left astonished as Jade does it for me.

"…Am I dreaming again?" I ask out loud, frowning in confusion as she turns at the sound of my voice.

"So you're still dreaming about me? Good to know," she gives me a crooked smile, placing the kettle on the counter. "You have the kind I like?"

"I'm sorry, what?" I let out, still stupefied at her showing up out of nowhere and being completely at ease after I pulled 'get some-get gone' routine on her.

"Coffee. Do you have the one I like?" She questioned again, looking through my cabinets. "Guess not, you probably didn't have the time to shop since you got here – this morning, I'm assuming?"

"How did you even find me?" I rub my temples again, sitting down on a wooden chair as Jade goes about in my kitchen, surprisingly fitting in with her casual leather jacket and jeans. A mug with steaming liquid is placed in front of me, and I automatically raise it to my lips, sudden burn awakening me from the stupor.

"I read your Nana's will a long time ago," she shrugs as if invasion of privacy is the most natural thing in the world. "Was looking all over LA for you before I remembered about this property. By the way, Caroline _doesn't_ send her regards and wants me to burn in hell."

"I know, I just got off the phone with her," I reply neutrally, sipping at my tea. "This isn't coffee."

"Yup. I figured with all the nicotine you've been consuming, your heart doesn't need caffeine to join the self-destruction party."

"I don't think you're entitled to make such decisions," I rebuff coldly, standing up to pour some coffee. "I'm also happy to inform you that tea contains a lot more caffeine than coffee."

Strong arms around my midsection cause me to pause mid-pour as she gently nuzzles my neck, breathing me in. Thank God I showered as soon as I got here.

"I never said I was smart," Jade whispered in my hair. "You're the brain in our relationship. I'm just…" the aforementioned arms turn me around and lift me up, placing me on a counter with feet dangling in the air. "…muscle," she finished smugly, kissing up my neck to my lips.

"Jade, no," I push at her shoulders, but she doesn't listen, reaching my mouth and pecking it with soft kisses. In a moment of temporary insanity, I respond, before pulling away and sliding from the counter. "No," I repeat, stronger this time. "Jade, I left for a reason."

"I know, and I understood my lesson," she replies, taking a step back when she sees I need some space now. Wait, what did she just… "I can't live without you, Tori," she whispers, raising a cautious hand and resting it on my cheek, a thumb stroking the skin. "I feel like I'm drowning. Just come home with me, please."

"You think I'm teaching you a _lesson?_" I ask incredulously, shoving her arm from my face.

Her expression reflects confusion as I quietly seethe in anger.

"But what's this about, then?"

"Jade, I _left_ you," I say slowly. "This isn't some kind of manipulative diabolical plan to make you fall in love with me. I'm done, actually done."

"Make me fall- Tori, I _am_ in love with you," she tries, stepping closer to me, but I already shut down, backing away from her, putting my hand up as a shield.

"Don't. Just stay where you are."

She looks truly heartbroken at that.

"Tori…"

"No, Jade, you have to listen to me!" I shout, losing my cool. "I'm gonna put it in words since you have trouble taking a hint. I'm breaking up with you- no, I already _broke up_ with you. We're over, do you understand? I'll even create a Facebook profile just so I can put 'single' in my relationship status, maybe that way you'll finally get it." Man, Caroline would be so proud of me if she heard that one.

"I didn't agree to it," she says dangerously low, her jaw locked in growing anger.

"I'm not your _wife,_" I state. "I don't have any divorce paper for you to sign, sorry. You just have to deal with it."

"Oh," she replies in her trademark manner, nodding her head. "I just have to deal with it. Sure. Cool. Awesome, fucking amazing," she smirks brokenly. "So I don't have any say in the matter, huh?"

"I'm not going back to you," I whisper. "You can say whatever you want. But I'm not getting back together with you."

"You mean right now?" As I keep silent, she grows restless. "Tori, please tell me you mean 'right now'."

"I can't do that," I finally croak out, hugging myself.

She suddenly slams her hand on the table, making me jump in fright.

"Sorry, I… Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Jade lets out a shaky breath. "But I'm not accepting that. I just can't."

"You have to," I shrug. "Because I made a decision and I'm not backing down. I just can't do it any longer, Jade. I can't constantly worry about you partying your life away, I can't keep walking in on you with someone else, and I can't be just another prize in your collection. There is only so much hurt a girl can take before she breaks," I conclude, my voice hollow.

She just looks at me with all the hurt and guilt in her eyes. I will myself to look back even though everything inside me screams to turn away.

"I know I'm the reason of everything bad happening in your life," she whispers, unknowingly – or knowingly – citing pretty much all my friends. "I know I should walk away from you and never see you again for the sake of your sanity. I know, but I am physically not able to do it."

She's near now, clouding my judgment with her fresh and spicy scent, and I surrender. I'm weak. Pathetic.

"I can't let you go because it hurts so damn much to lose you," her husky voice whispers as her forehead comes to rest on mine. "Because I'm so in love with you I can't function without you near. Even when I was out there, with all those girls," a pain shoots through my chest, sharp and sudden, "it was always you. I was, or I _am_ just too fucked up to be a normal girlfriend, but I will try my hardest for _you,_ Tori," she's begging now, I hear it in her desperate tone.

"Not even two weeks ago you were parading your whores around me," I whisper back, opening my eyes to watch as she recoils in shock at venom in my voice. "And now I'm supposed to believe I'm your one true love. Sounds plausible to me, Jade."

She goes to say something, but I don't give her a chance as I speak up again.

"I don't believe you. I generally don't and can't trust you, and I know you understand why," she cast a glance away, biting her lip as she silently agrees with me. "And right now… Right now I'm sure I'll never be able to trust you even again," I finish, and she crumbles under my words.

I probably should feel happy, or avenged, or content that finally she's the one hurting for a change. I don't. I'm numb, empty inside, and in a way that makes me happy. At least I stay a somewhat decent human being throughout this drama. Or I simply lost the ability to feel anything even remotely close to happiness. Probably.

"You want me to leave." She's not even asking. She's stating a fact, one that we both know is true.

"I need time to sort out my thoughts, and your presence isn't helping."

She's nodding. She's moving. She's leaving.

And then she's back, her hold caring and careful as she gives me a slow goodbye kiss, the affection tightening my chest.

"I'm sorry," she breathes, her eyes gazing into mine. "But I'm not giving up on us. I don't deserve you, but I will become the one who does."

With that, she pecks my cheek, eliciting a soft whimper from me as she pulls away, smiling before shutting the door.

This is such a mess.

* * *

_Please review!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Another chapter! Yay! Question - should I keep the new character, or should they just serve their purpose as a bygone?_

_Please review!_

* * *

There is nothing better than a freshly brewed disgusting cheap coffee in a God-forsaken town somewhere in West Virginia, because I highly doubt anyone from my usual social circle will wound up here and witness my sweatpants-wearing self in big sunglasses that cover giant bags under my eyes. I also hope against all hopes that no one will recognize me, and so far my prayers are heard.

"I don't mean to be rude, but you're Victoria Vega, right? May I get your autograph?"

Or not.

"Sure," I mumble through a fake polite smile, not looking up as I quickly sign a piece of paper.

"You have a pretty signature," my unknown admirer states.

"Thank you, um…"

"I doubt you'd remember my name," a smirk is palpable in the voice as it changes, revealing its owner, and I jerk my head up, surprised.

Jade stares back at me with a half-smile, looking as sinfully good as ever, and I grit my teeth, biting back an insult.

"I thought I told you to leave," I hiss at her, standing up and hastily grabbing my coffee as I try to make a run for it.

"Whoa," she chuckles, going after me. "Is that how you treat your fans?"

"Jade, what are you doing," I tiredly address her, stopping.

"You know my name?" She fakes shock, but her smirk gives her away. "I don't believe we've met before, but I'm a huge fan of your work, Miss Vega."

"I'm sorry, I'm confused," I mutter, wearily rubbing my temples. What was she playing at?

"I'm the one who should be confused," she replies, winking at me. "My celebrity crush knows my name, how exciting is that? Perhaps we could discuss it over dinner sometime and, you know… get to _know_ each other properly," her stress on the word 'know' is not dirty nor suggestive, and I finally realize what's going on.

She's asking for a clean slate, and not just a simply clean one; she wants a blank sheet to start rewriting us all over.

"I'm Jade West," she thrusts her hand forward, and I roll my eyes as I shake it, but a small smile still escapes from me.

"I assume you know my name already," I reply, fighting against smiling wider and failing miserably.

A tiny sign of affection and lightheartedness from her, and I fall in her trap, just like that. But I can't help it. I'm crazy for her, and trust me, there is nothing I want more than to fall out of love with her, but you don't get to dictate your heart who to let in.

"Don't think I'm some sort of a crazy stalker," she raises her arms in surrender. "I'm just your average fan. And, well, okay, maybe a _tiny_ bit of a stalker. I did fly across the country to talk to you," she adds softly, looking at me with adoration.

"A bold move for a fan I don't even know," I retort teasingly. It feels bizarre. This is Twilight Zone at its finest: Jade and I talking and teasing each other, a playful banter in our light conversation.

Almost as if we're whole, undamaged, healthy.

"Oh, so there are fans you do know?" She asks with a smile, a picture so foreign to my eyes. She never smiles. She smirks and grins and sneers, but she doesn't smile so easily and openly, and she especially doesn't do that for me.

Once again, I'm dangerously close to tilting over the edge of a panic attack.

I'm saved, and it's the most surprising ally that comes to my rescue.

"Jade? Is that you?"

Madison Montgomery, a promising model, an outstanding bitch, one of Jade's earlier sex toys, and, as I regretfully recall, a native West - Virginian.

A deep growl rumbles in my chest as Madison teasingly touches Jade's arm in a greeting. No. Why should I bother? It's not like Jade's my… anything, really.

"What are you doing here?" Jade asks uneasily, her eyes still trained on me. She feels me slipping away, shutting down any fragile emotional connection we barely formed, and her lips form a thin line as her eyes grow pleading.

"I'm just passing through on my way to my hometown," Madison shrugs, gesturing to her car full of her so-called friends. "Hey Tori," the skinny blonde cocks her head to the side, her light emotionless eyes unnerving on my face. "You two took a relationship-remedy vacation? Not that there was anything to save in the first place," she shrugs carelessly, her unwavering gaze making my skin prickle unpleasantly.

"Hi," I grit through my teeth, adjusting my shades back on my face.

"Madison, if you don't mind, we were in the middle of a conversation," Jade cuts her off rather coldly.

Good job, Jade. Keep your bitches in line.

God, I need a cigarette.

"Whatever," the blonde rolls her beautiful, dead, dead eyes, stepping away. "See you around, Jadey."

I watch her hips sway in her too-tight, too-short dress as she walks away in her probably uncomfortable heels, that delicious rotten air around her as she carries herself without care.

I won't be able to ever compete with that, because, unlike Jade and this girl, I still care. I still have feelings and emotions and _memories_ and I can't turn them off with a snap of my fingers.

And that's the problem.

"Dammit," Jade breathes out, frustrated. "I'm so sorry, she's just-"

"It's not only her though, is it?" I speak up quietly, interrupting her mid-sentence. "There are others, all of them, and I could say I remember every single one of them, for a dramatic effect, but I don't, because it's impossible to keep track of them."

"Tori, please, let me explain."

"There is nothing to explain," I shrug, raising the wall for good. "It's not even about your escorts."

"What is it about?" She questions softly, looking scared.

"Jade, you just basically tried to erase the past and everything I've been through!" I exclaim, losing it. I can't keep calm and emotionless. Everything inside me seethes and screams in agony and fury, and I let it.

It feels good. Finally, something feels good.

"It doesn't work that way," I state firmly. "You can't just start over. You don't get to start over; no one does, because there are _scars_ to remind us of where we've been." I look her dead in the eye, my face a stone cold mask. "And with you, I've been in Hell."

She crumbles under my words yet again, her hand reaching out for me, and I jerk back from her, shaking my head.

"Tori, I was just joking around," she rushes out, broken. "That's not what I meant, of course I can't just ask you to forget about my mistakes. I know that."

"Do you?" I ask coolly. "Do you, really? Then what were you trying to achieve?"

"I just wanted a peaceful moment with you," she whispers. "I lay at night in my motel room and I thought back to the past, and I realized there were so few of them. I just craved one little moment of lightness."

I nod with a bored expression, concealing the raging emotional storm inside me.

"Did you get it?"

"Yes, but did you?" She's going to a predator mode, leaving her defensive retreat. "I saw you, Tori. I saw your smile and your eyes as you looked at me when we were goofing around," she tries, searching my face with her gaze. "It could be like that if you let it, Tori. Just give me another chance. I never asked for one before. I think I'm entitled to at least one tiny shot at happiness with you."

I feel my features twist in scowl as I regard her words. She's not _entitled_ to anything.

"I need to think, Jade," I say instead, feeling a chill creep up my spine out of blue. "I need my space, and you're not giving it to me."

"Tell me I will see you again," she replies. "Tell me I stand a chance with you. That's all I need. Hope. Just a little bit of hope. I could use it in my life."

How can I give her hope when I don't feel anything close to it, myself?

Caroline will kill me for the words I'm about to let out of my mouth.

"Of course you will see me again," I breathe out in my defeat, surrendering to her. "I can't say anything else, but you will see me again."

"There's another thing."

I snap my head up at her sharply. It's too much. She can't ask for anything else. She can't demand something more from me.

"Come back to LA," she asks suddenly. "Not with me, just – just come back. I swear I'll live the city for a week or a month or for how long it is you want me to stay away. Everyone's been worrying sick about you."

"I already asked Caroline for a vacation."

"Tori, you're allergic to small towns like this," she scoffs. "You need to be surrounded by people you love, not hide out in a cliché vampire town."

I shake my head as I'm once again astonished at her surprising knowledge of me. How does she know me so well? I really do hate it here, if I'm being honest with myself, and I haven't been here for twenty four hours. I won't survive a whole week without getting black out drunk and ending up in a hospital with alcohol poisoning.

She's finally tangled up all my thoughts beyond salvation. I don't understand her, I'm lost, I'm confused, I'm drowning and suffocating as I struggle to make sense of her past actions and present words.

She's my friend with benefits, and she's with Beck. She's my girlfriend, and we're in an _'open' _relationship. She has feelings for me, and she sleeps with everyone around her.

She's in love with me, and apparently knows me like the back of her hand.

I don't know what to think anymore, and honestly, I'm too drained to do so.

"I'll fly back this evening," I find myself saying. "You don't need to skip town. Just don't approach me and seek me out until I'm ready to talk to you, okay?"

"Deal," she answers as she bathes me in her tender gaze.

"And stop looking at me like that," I snap, hugging myself as the level of comfort reaches a new low. "I get confused."

"It's not like I can help it," she whispers, slowly coming closer. "I just wanna ask for one more thing, just one more."

"If you ask to kiss me again, then hell no," I flinch back, eyeing her warily. "I'm already going crazy with this whole mess."

"Please," she breathes, gently grasping my crossed arms.

I'm too good at giving in. She's too good at making me cave.

Our lips meet in an innocent touch, barely moving, and I feel her sigh as she hugs me close. I was right. It leaves my mind even more disheveled than it already was.

"They are so soft," she quietly observes as we part, her making no move to let me out of her embrace.

"Thanks," all I can manage as my head uncontrollably drops on her shoulder, and I fight back the urge to cry as she presses a sweet kiss to my hair.

"Jade, I have no idea what's going on," I softly confess in her chest, inhaling the scent of expensive worn leather and her unique aroma mixed together.

"I know. I'm sorry-"

"_Stop,_" I push her away, the now-familiar burn of anger coursing through my veins. "Stop apologizing, because it _doesn't_ make everything okay!" I breathe heavily, throwing daggers at her with my eyes as she just stays there, watching me with sadness. "It doesn't hurt any less just because you're sorry," I hiss, shaking my head.

"I'll stop," she replied with sorrow. "I just… Tori, I'm so fucking afraid of _losing_ you," she exhales sharply. "All I ever did was push you away, and when I finally succeeded… I'm terrified," she admits shakily.

I can't deal with it right now. I'm not ready to get into her issues when I'm fucked up and damaged myself.

"I will let you know when I'm ready to face you," I utter, walking backwards. "Please don't bother me until then."

I catch her nodding sadly to herself as I turn and quickly walk away, shaken up from the encounter.

I need a drink.

* * *

_Please don't forget to review - those are love!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Jade is staying away just like she promised, but that won't last for too long..._

_Please review!_

* * *

Must it always be so damn bright?

I sigh as I light up a cigarette, blowing out the smoke contentedly. This is too hot, and too sunny, and doesn't reflect my inner state at all. Fucking Californian weather.

"Hello, Tori, goodbye, cancer stick," peppy voice with barely concealed irritation states near my ear as the cigarette is roughly torn from my lips and carelessly thrown into the garbage can.

"If you didn't want me smoking, you shouldn't have made me wait for so long, Caroline," I patronize my agent who is way too energized as usual.

"What do you think you're doing, _smoking_? And in _public,_ no less?" The ex-cheerleader hisses, grasping my elbow and dragging me to her car away from airport entrance. "And seriously, what's up with the luggage?"

"What's wrong with my luggage?" I ask confusedly, climbing into the passenger seat.

"Uh, you don't _have_ any?" she replies, demonstrating the infamous 'Forbes' attitude. "Seriously, a bag? As in, singular? Are you secretly a guy?"

"Stop being so sexist."

"Girls _can't_ be sexist, silly," Caroline says with a condescending smile, driving through the surprisingly empty streets.

"Here you go, another textbook sexism example – uh, Care, you just missed a turn."

"No, I didn't," the blonde states confidently.

"But your place isn't this way," I argue.

"I never said we were going to my place."

"Um, yes, you did, you specifically told me over the phone: 'Of course, you can stay at mine, Tor!', it was right after I _asked_ you if I could stay at _your place._"

"Your memory is like an elephant's, it's freaking me out."

"I suppose you're not telling me where we're going."

"You suppose correctly, and I'm adding 'weirdly awesome deductive skills' to the list of things you have that freak me out," Caroline flashes me a toothy practiced grin, showing off her pearly whites. I can't help but admire the way she always looks so put together and beautiful. The early morning sun bounces off of her golden curls and porcelain skin, her eyes vibrantly green in the light. I wonder how I look. Probably like shit. I feel like it, anyway.

"What's up with the staring?" My best friend nudges me with one hand before gasping in mock shock. "Oh my God, it happened. You fell in love with me. While I think it's long overdue, what's with me being amazing and hot, I'm sorry to inform you that I can't reciprocate your feelings." She throws me a quick glance, smirking at my pointed unamused look. "Alright, since you're hot as well, I guess we could do some over the clothes stuff, but not-"

"Oh my _God,_ Care!" I pinch the bridge of my nose, exasperated.

"What, is the thought so revolting to you? Am I not good enough?" She steals another glance at me as realization crosses her features. "Oh, I get it – it's because I'm straight, isn't it? I'll have you know, I'd make an awesome lesbian. Just because I lack experience, doesn't mean you should totally cross me out."

I just shake my head, a small smile appearing on my lips against my will.

"There she is!" Caroline exclaims triumphantly. "I got you to smile. See, I'd make a great girlfriend!"

"You _are_ a great girlfriend," I reply laughingly. "How's Klaus?"

"Ugh, don't remind me of that asshole," she huffs.

"Trouble in paradise?"

"We got into another fight over those siblings of his. I swear, sometimes they're pure evil. Especially the _sistah dea'est _of his_,_" she mocks her boyfriend's accent as she grumbles under her breath.

"Care, I love you, but sometimes you're really judgmental, and also – you and Rebekah are 'personality twins'. I have no idea how the hell you guys aren't best friends," I note calmly.

"Because I already have a best friend who is currently trying to avoid talking about her problems by focusing on mine."

"Is it working?" I hopefully ask. She rolls her eyes.

"Not a chance in hell. Now spill."

"You never told me Jade showed up at the studio," I suddenly say as I remember my encounter with her.

"Right, because you needed more Jade-stress in your life," Care answers sarcastically. "Besides, there's nothing to tell. She came by with her tail between her legs, I told her to burn in Hell, she said 'see you there' and bailed."

"Man, sometimes I don't know whose relationship is more fucked up: mine and Jade's or _yours _and Jade's."

"First of all, language," my agent berates me. "And secondly, it's simple, I hate her, she hates me."

"Sounds like a beginning of a love story, not the end of one," I jab at her playfully. She whips around, horrified.

"Ew! Stop insinuating whatever it is you're insinuating, young lady!"

"I'm, like, four years younger than you."

"Exactly, you brat," she smirks. "We're here, by the way."

"Okay… Here… is where, exactly?" I warily question as we pull into a driveway of a rather cute-looking house.

"Now, promise not to get mad," Caroline starts before I interrupt her.

"You know that every time you start a sentence like that, I end up getting mad anyway?"

"I may secretly enjoy it," she shrugs, getting out of the car. I smirk as I climb out of the seat to follow her.

"Kinky. So, explanation? Now?"

"This is kinda… Your new house."

"What?!" I turn around sharply to stare at a guilty Caroline, incredulous. "What do you mean this is my new house?!"

"Look, I just knew how much you value your personal space, and, well, there's none of that at my place, and Klaus clutters everything with his art supplies, so…"

"So you went and bought me a _house?!_" I look at her, bemused. "Wow, you _would_ make an amazing lesbian."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know, I wanted to say it, seemed appropriate at the moment," I waved impatiently.

"And, well, technically I didn't actually _buy_ it," she rushes to my side as she hurriedly explains herself. "I rented it with a possibility of buying. You got three months' rent paid ahead, and if you decide you like it, you can get it. So… What do you think?" she finished nervously.

I shake my head again, releasing a sigh as I take the building in. Two storey house, nice, cute, beautiful – yeah, I know basically nothing about real estate. I do know that the house looks rather modern, with beige walls and wooden panels creating a trendy atmosphere – no, I know nothing about real estate.

"…Well, since I'm already here and you obviously don't want me crashing at your place because of your handsome British boyfriend, let's check it out." I ignore Care's protests as I start the walk towards the house's entrance.

"It's got two pools, indoors and outdoors, and also a library which is also the study," Caroline informs me as she opens the door, thrusting the keys into my hand next. "Welcome aboard."

I step inside into a long living room, immediately noticing how homey it actually feels. The inside of the house is decorated with wood and pastel colors, making it warm and inviting. A comfy-looking leather couch, soft rugs, big kitchen… If this house also has a huge bedroom, I'm sold.

"So what do you think?" Care asks again cautiously, obviously trying to read me.

"It's… It's amazing, Care, thank you so much," I breathe out as I turn and hug her, a gesture which she eagerly returns, smiling. Her smile turns to a frown, however, when my shoulders begin to shake slightly.

"Oh, honey…" She guides us to the couch, rubbing comforting circles on my back as I tremble with sudden break-down. "It's okay, I'm here… I'm here, you're gonna be okay, you hear me?"

I just nod shakily, breathing deeply to try and calm myself down as I put some distance between us, wiping the tears. It's been so long since I allowed anyone to take care of me. I just usually shut down, keeping everything professional and steering clear of everything personal. Caroline's always been able to break through that with her at times unorthodox methods, but even she couldn't get me to fess up about what I'm really feeling. But… this is so thoughtful of her. I just forgot there was someone who cared, and it's too much right now.

"I'm so-"

"Victoria Dawn Vega," she chastises me. "Don't you dare apologize. I get it," she continues, softer this time. "I know what you're going through, and you don't have to say anything."

"I… just, thank you," I manage to smile weakly through tears.

"Any time, sweetie," Caroline states kindly, rubbing my shoulder. "You just remind me of my step-sis so much sometimes. I can't help but be all protective, you know?"

"Didn't you use to hate your step-sister?"

"No, I hate the other one, Katherine. I like Elena, the pretty one."

"Uh, Care, they are identical twins," I smirk, happy for a distraction.

"I was talking about _inner_ beauty, you doofus," Caroline rebuffed. "Even though my step-sisters are twins, you're able to tell them apart almost immediately."

"Because Katherine is evil, a bitch, and practically Satan?"

"Yup. She's hot, I'll give her that, but after you get to know her, she's the ugliest girl in the world," the blonde cringes. "Just like a certain ex of yours…"

"Caroline…"

"Tori, c'mon, you should get this off your chest! What happened between you two, exactly?"

I sigh. Truth is, nothing happened. I just up and left. Looking back, I realize that I just snapped, finally, Jade's behavior and walls becoming too much for me to bear.

"Actually, nothing out of sorts," I voice my thoughts. "I just couldn't take it anymore."

"But… Tori, don't take it the wrong way," Caroline starts carefully. "But why so out of blue? I mean… We told you to dump her sorry ass so many times. I'm totally happy you made that decision, I just don't really understand why, you know?"

"I do, trust me, I do," I smirk sadly, shaking my head. "I don't get myself, either. I guess… I guess I needed to realize it on my own. How wrong she is for me. How she's slowly killing me."

"Well, I, for one, am absolutely ecstatic you did it," Caroline proudly says. "She looked pathetic when she came looking for you. Devastated, even."

What?

I straighten up, ready to bombard the blonde with questions.

"Oh, no," she mutters as she takes notice of my changed demeanor. "You're not going to feel sorry for her and take her back, Tori."

"Of course not," I scoff, praying to God that I look believable. "But you can't blame me for being curious. Devastated Jade is something new to me."

"Well, you better believe it, because that's what I saw. She came in all distressed and all over the place. I thought she was on drugs or something, her hands were shaking. She didn't even put any effort into her insults," Caroline recalls, sounding slightly amazed at the end.

"Wait… When did she come to you, again?"

"Uh, let's see… Like, five days ago, I think? Early in the morning, too. To say I was surprised would be an understatement."

Five days ago. She came to Caroline after our last night together. After she poured her heart out to me, after she made love to me, only to be abandoned the next morning.

I close my eyes, tremendous guilt wave crashing into me as I picture Jade standing at the reception, her eyes worried and red, her clothes disheveled from being hastily put on, her hands shaking, her shoulders sagged.

_She deserves this._

Does she? How does that make me any better than her? I claim she hurt me so much over the years, and I retaliate in the same fashion.

Could I be any more hypocritical?

I shouldn't have led her on. I shouldn't have slept with her, only to run away the morning after.

"Tori, look at me," Caroline is strict as she brings me back to the present. "Tell me right now that you're not thinking about getting back together with this gank."

I keep silent.

"Tori…"

"I love her!" I burst, shooting to my feet and pacing what I imagine to be a very soft rug. "I love her, Care. I can't help it."

She sighs, frustrated.

"Damn you and your questionable taste in girls," the blonde grumbles. "You're seriously just like Elena."

"I thought she was straight. And engaged."

"Yeah, and Damon is the biggest asshole _ever._"

"Who's Damon?"

"Her fiancé – you know what, doesn't matter," she states impatiently, grabbing my hand and making me sit down. "Tori, I know you think you love her, but that girl caused you more pain than anyone or anything in this world. You can't go back to that."

"You think I don't realize that?" I groan, plopping back into the couch and burying my face in my hands. "I know she's bad for me, but… she seems different now…"

"They all do! She's just playing with you, Tori, trust me."

"She's really trying, Care," I reply weakly. "You should've seen her back in Mystic Falls, she-"

"Hold up." Caroline stares at me like I grew another head. "Mystic Falls? What's that?"

"…A town where I was hiding?"

"She actually tracked you down?!" My best friend shakes her head, amazed. "Wow. That girl doesn't let go of her toys easily."

"Um, thanks? I'm sitting _right_ here," I comment, insulted. Care smiles sheepishly and motions for me to carry on.

"She was trying, you know? She came to me, and she made me tea, and then she intentionally bumped into me at a local coffee shop and acted like she didn't know me-"

"Gee, how incredibly sweet, that just screams romantic," Caroline interjects sarcastically.

"I know how it sounds-"

"-And yet you keep going."

"Caroline," I growl, and she sighs.

"Fine, I'll tone the attitude down. I just really don't like this girl."

"Yeah, I got _that._ Anyway, what actually happened was she approached me as my fan, made me sigh a napkin for her, and we… flirted. It was nice, in a way."

"So just because you had one decent interaction, you're ready to get back together with her?"

"I'm not ready," I whisper. It's true. I'm not. "And the encounter didn't go as smooth as one would hope. Guess who ran into us."

"Judging from your murderous gaze, one of Jade's whores."

"Accurate and worse at the same time," I grit through my teeth. "Madison Montgomery."

"No," Caroline gasps. "No way! What the hell was _that_ doing in a sleepy town?"

"Does it matter? The thing is, she bumped into us, and it was like a wake-up call. With Jade's past… I don't know if I ever will be able to deal with that."

"And you _shouldn't!_" The blonde throws her arms in the air. "Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?! I had basically _the same_ conversation with my step-sister, and she ended up getting _engaged!_ Oh God," she mumbles next, terrified. "Please tell me Jade didn't propose to you."

"What? No! Care, relax. I'm not getting engaged in the nearest future. I'm not even on the dating list right now."

"Well, I think you should be," she announces, making me groan.

"No, Care-"

"Just listen to me! You had this screwed-up relationship for past three years, and its roots run even further than that. All I'm saying is you need to experience what a decent _human_ relationship is like."

"I'm not ready to start trusting people," I admit quietly.

Caroline sighs, squeezing my shoulder sympathetically. She's right, of course she's right. I should probably get out there and date a bit, if only to see how relationships are supposed to be. Typical girl meets girl, couple of dates, fooling around in public just for the thrill of it, cuddling under the blanket in front of the movie… All the clichés I never had, because all I got with Jade was passion, and while it was nice when it consumed me, I realize now how I yearn for tenderness.

The thing is… I only want this tenderness with _her,_ and she showed me just how willing she is to try and give it to me.

"I'm not saying marry the first person you meet," Caroline tries in a quiet persuasive tone. "But just… get to know someone. A dinner and a movie don't call for an engagement party, right?"

"Right," I chuckle.

"Speaking of parties… Ikindaarrangedoneforyou and it's tonight… Well, unpack and see ya!" She jumps up, ready to bolt before I practically tackle her back.

"What?!"

"I did say we should throw a break-up party, so… I did!"

"Care, I'm seriously considering punching your boob right now."

"You wouldn't _dare_," she gasps. "Wait, left one or right one?"

"Caroline!"

"Oh come on, Tori!" she whines. "I was super worried about you, and now that you're back, we need to get you out of this doom and gloom fest! _And _it also could be a housewarming party, as well," my obnoxious soon-to-be-dead best friend states proudly. "You don't need to do anything, I promise. Just be there and look pretty, I already took care of everything else."

"…Well, how am I supposed to get ready? I don't have any clothes here besides my 'I'm-secretely-a-guy' luggage!"

"I took care of that, too," she waves dismissively at me.

"Wait, you… You got my clothes from Jade's?" I ask softly.

"Yup. They are already in the closet. I saved you from the ugly encounter – no need to thank me, by the way."

"Was she… upset?" I question, trying to sound casual and failing at it.

"I'm not gonna lie, she was," Care answers, wincing. "At first I didn't want to tell her you got a house-"

"I didn't get _anything_, it was _you_ who got a house for me," I point out.

"-Anyway," she glares at me. "I figured she'd find out anyway, so I fessed up about you moving in the new home, and she just… crumbled."

I bite my lip at that. Jade, shattered, heartbroken, all alone in that empty huge house. Is it worth it? Am I making a mistake?

I don't know anything anymore.

"So, I just got a text from a caterer, gotta go solve some issues," Caroline says, oblivious to my inner battle. "Be right back – you just stay here, look around, check out the _huge-ass_ hot tub which is completely yours for the nest three months unless you decide to prolong the contract or buy this beauty!"

"…How do you manage to unload so much information in one breath," I shake my head. "Wait, did you just mention a hot tub?"

"_Now_ we're talking," she smirks. "Alright, I really need to go, there's been a cake emergency."

I don't even wanna know.

But I do wanna know something else.

"Caroline," I start, my tone faux-light. "At this party… I won't be stumbling into beautiful strangers suddenly asking me out to dinner, will I?"

"Well, I can't guarantee that, have you met yourself? There is always someone who could be interested in you, so…"

"_Care…_"

"No, I wasn't planning on setting you up with someone, geez," she mutters. "I might be controlling and obsessive at times, but I know you're going through a rough patch, and I'm not _that_ inconsiderate."

"Good. Thank you," before I leave, I turn around again. "One more thing. Is Jade invited?"

Now it is Caroline's turn to place her hands on her hips as she stares at me accusingly.

"No, she's not, and don't you dare invite her," she warns me. "This is your break-up party, you can't invite the person you broke up with!"

"I wasn't going to," I shrug.

"Good." She states. "Alright, I really gotta run."

"Wait, Care… I'm really grateful for everything you've done for me. Thank you, so much," I say sincerely as I thank her again, smiling. She smiles back.

"You're welcome. That's what friends are for."

"Okay, get out of here, your hands are beginning to shake from the lack of bossing people around," I comment with a smirk. Caroline releases a relieved sigh as she nods, bolting through the door, her phone already to her ear as she bites someone's head off, no doubt. I laugh.

I'll make it.

* * *

_Just like promised - Delena cameo!  
So what do you think? Please leave a review :)_


	5. Chapter 5

_Yup, another chapter! Go me!_

_Please review, guys, I wanna know what you think :)_

* * *

I roll my eyes as I hear loud splashing from the yard, followed by rowdy shouts and laughs. High school never ends, and my housewarming-slash-break-up party is a testament to that. Well, I never really got the usual high school experience complete with drunken cheerleaders and asshole jocks, but I'm exceeding my quota on that right now as half the young Hollywood is tearing my house apart.

Yes, I'm exaggerating, but, to be fair, I didn't expect the party to be this big. Right now, surrounded by a happy and carefree crowd, I can't be any more depressed.

Yes, I'm whining.

"Not your scene, love, is it?" A suave male voice states next to me as I stand in the kitchen to try and get a breather from the overwhelming cheer going on inside and around the house.

"Nope, and if you see your girlfriend, please make sure to tell her she's a dead girl walking," I grumble as I turn around to face Caroline's boyfriend. Klaus smirks at me from behind his whiskey tumbler, baby blue eyes twinkling with amusement.

"The _Glenlivet_," he lifts the bottle he has in another hand. "21 year old. Absolutely magnificent, smooth, rich flavor, in other words, utter and pure beauty. A bit of a delayed effect, but the taste is perfection. Care for a drink, love?"

"Is that a piece offering? Trying to save Care's life?"

He laughs.

"A piece offering, a housewarming present, a break-up remedy – choose whichever is more suitable for you."

"I see you started on that present early."

"Don't take it the wrong way, but you have poor taste in alcohol, pet, and it just so happened that my gift was the only one I could drink without staining your beautiful carpets with my afternoon lunch."

"Gross," I mutter, though a small smile makes it to my lips.

"So," he expertly pours me a glass, swirling the beautiful amber liquid around as he holds it out for me. "Don't kill Caroline, pretty please?"

"I'll make you a deal. If the taste of this highly praised drink is as rich as your _incredible_ accent, she may live," I state, smirking, as I take the offered shot and take a cautious sip, immediately cringing afterwards.

"You're absolutely hating it, aren't you."

"Yup," I wheeze, placing the glass on the counter. "Probably should've mentioned I'm not one for strong drinks."

"See? Terrible taste in alcohol," Klaus chuckles, gulping his drink without so much as a blink.

"Show off," I raise a challenging eyebrow as I quickly down the rest of the drink. He widely grins and salutes me with his glass.

"Careful, love, it's a strong one."

I shake my head, smiling, as I look at the living room where a small crowd is getting its groove on. Style, bright colors, beautiful people, alcohol, music, and what I really hope to be prescribed painkillers – half the LA would kill to be here.

Why do I want to be anywhere but?

"So what's your story?" I turn to Klaus again, studying him. "Why is such a fine Englishman as yourself feels the need to hide out in the kitchen?"

"Asks the hostess," he retorts, cocking his head to the right. I simply shrug.

"To be fair, the true hostess here is Caroline. I'm basically a guest, and not a participating one at that."

He nods, sipping at his drink while he scrutinizes me. I can't help but feel slightly uneasy under his calculating eyes. Klaus isn't what most would call 'a nice guy'. It's not anything he does, really; he just has this vibe, this mysterious aura around him, something dangerous hiding underneath his handsome exterior. But Caroline means the world to this man, and I'm willing to overlook his slight shadiness as long as he takes care of her.

Plus, his artworks are astonishing, and to paraphrase Miguel de Cervantes, 'where there's talent, there can be no evil'.

"How are things at the gallery?" I continue with a small talk as I pour myself a glass of wine, sighing contentedly when the grape taste washes away the scotch from my mouth.

"Everything is pretty tame," he shrugs. "We're preparing for my exhibition – _finally_. It looks promising, but nothing extraordinary."

"Are you kidding, your works are amazing!" I say, smiling. "You're one of the best artists LA has to offer, hands down. I'm really glad you decided to go for the exhibition."

"Thank you, Victoria." Here it is, that vibe again. Why does he choose to call me by my full name? Although I have to admit, it does sound amazing with British accent. "Now, may we skip the small avoiding talk and cut straight to the issue, shall we?" At my confused stare, he smiles. "A little bird told me you broke things off with Jadelyn."

I throw a murderous glance around the room, trying to find Caroline so I can target it at her.

"I just wanted to know how you were," he continues. "Break-ups can be rather rough."

"I've been better," I admit, sighing as I realize Caroline can live a little longer since she's nowhere to be seen.

"Well, time heals, love," he notes. "I know you have Caroline, but if you ever need anything, I'm also available for you, Victoria."

"Thank you, _Nicklaus,_" I can't help but use his full name back at him. Two can play at this game.

The blonde man notices and chuckles, shaking his head slightly.

"Now, I realize we're not particularly close, seeing as we've known each other for less than half a year, so I won't pry any details from you. Just want you to know it's going to work out in the end."

"Yeah, you also don't really _need_ to be getting any details from me since your girlfriend spills the beans to you anyway."

"That… couldn't be truer," Klaus agrees, smirking. "I guess I should go warn her about her impending death, then."

With that, he bows graciously and walks away, leaving me slightly bewildered at the whole exchange. It was incredibly nice of him, Weird, but nice nonetheless. Even if he's doing this purely to earn boyfriend points from Caroline, which I'm sure is true.

I rub my temples as another splash and a loud thud vibrate throughout the house. The cleaners will have a lot of work to do tomorrow morning, that's for sure.

I stealthily leave through the front door with no one paying attention, or caring, really. The party is in its full swing, and I need to be as far away from it as possible without invoking Caroline's wrath. It's warm with summer, several stars visible through the pollution as I glance up, walking at a leisured pace. Where do I spend the rest of the evening?

The yard is full with people, but the further small garden with tall trees promises a much sought-after refuge, and that's where I direct my steps, hiding under an oak wood as I light up a cigarette, sighing heavily. This party sucks. Mainly because I can't really enjoy it. I would've been a hell of a lot happier just binge-watching several TV shows in my pajamas, if I'm being honest. Plus, there wouldn't be any of that fake sympathy or hungry, lustful gazes surrounding me.

I blow the smoke out, mentally patting myself on the back for making a wise decision not to drink too much tonight. It would be fair to say that there are at least a dozen of possible one-night-stands in the house, just waiting to pounce, and if I get drunk in this already fucked-up state, I am sure to end up in bed with a stranger. Or several of them. That's something to avoid, both for my own sanity and for publicity reasons.

I shudder, taking another long drag as I look around at people socializing, laughing, drinking all around me while I stand idly by, taking them in. I sincerely hope people took the 'downstairs-only' rule seriously, because I spot several intoxicated couples who would be more than happy to break in my new bed, and that's not happening. If I'm not getting laid in those sheets tonight, no one else is.

"_You, stop eating that, ew! You, let go of this girl, she's practically asleep – if she's not in a taxi in five minutes, I'm calling the cops,_" an irritated Caroline's voice floats through air as she hurriedly makes her way to me, never slowing down as she organizes things on the go. "Hey, Tori," she reaches me, scowling as I demonstratively inhale smoke. "First of all, _disgusting,_ and second of all, you'd want to greet the guys who just showed up at the door."

"Why, the police department is here?" I lazily ask. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if the cops did show up. We've been getting kinda loud.

"Does 'Hollywood Arts' sound familiar to you?" She questions instead of replying, and chill runs down my spine as I straighten up. No way.

"Beck?"

She nods, and I close my eyes in defeat. Beck. I haven't heard from him ever since he found out about me and Jade. To say he reacted badly would be an understatement, and I don't blame him for a second. He did love her. He loved me, too – I was his best friend. That's why the betrayal cut so deep, and not only him.

The party just got infinitely worse.

"Alright, let's just get this over with," I mutter, throwing the unfinished cigarette away and storming back to the house, Caroline hot on my heels.

"Wait," I realize something as we enter. "You said 'guys', who else is there with him?"

"Tori."

I freeze for a second, slowly turning around next and coming face to face with a boy I deceived years ago. He's a man now – a handsome one, of course, standing tall, his usual calm smile on his face.

"I haven't seen you for ages," Beck continues, smiling soothingly. "You look amazing. And the house is awesome."

"Yes, you have a lovely home," a guy next to Beck comments, smiling in the same manner as my former friend. I look at him, taking in his gentle dark-green eyes and tall figure, lean but slightly muscular as well. He looks familiar, but I can't quite place him. I don't remember him from school, that's for sure.

"Beck," I breathe, shifting my eyes back to him, not knowing what else to say. It's been so long. I completely forgot everything I used to do in his presence. I don't even remember what his presence feels like. "I… This is so- I'm sorry, I just didn't quite expect to see you," I stumble over my words, still astounded at him standing in front of me after all these years.

"I don't really blame you," he replies calmly. "Do you think we could talk? Somewhere… quieter?" He adds, looking around.

"S-sure, let's go upstairs," I say quickly. "Oh, I'm sorry- I'm Tori," I address Beck's companion awkwardly as he shakes the offered hand in a nice firm grip.

"Stefan," he introduces himself. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'll go find something to drink, okay?" He says to Beck, squeezing his shoulder as he departs. I raise a surprised eyebrow at that, but say nothing as I berate myself not to jump to conclusions.

"Yeah, I'll, uh, I'll go look for Klaus," Caroline pipes up quickly. "You'll be okay, right?" She whispers to me, and I give her an affirmative grateful nod.

"So…" I start as we enter the study, with Beck coming to sit in one of the soft chairs, looking completely at ease.

"So," he echoes, looking at me. A silence settles over us, uncomfortable one on my part.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here," Beck says after several moments of quietness.

"I guess it has something to do with me and Jade breaking up." I sit in front of him, tense, hugging myself as I shield from him.

"Wait, you broke up?" The surprise is genuine on his face. "I had no idea… When?"

"Two weeks ago or so," I chuckle emotionlessly. "She was cheating on me. Ironic, isn't it?"

"Not really," he replies quietly as he studies me. "Are you okay?"

I look away, conflicted. This is fucked up. I'm the reason his heart got broken years ago, and here he is, concerned for my well-being after the love I took from him left me. Well, technically, I left her, but that's not the point.

"I think so," I breathe out instead, relaxing slightly. "I'll be okay one day. Time heals," I recall Klaus' words.

"Yeah it does. I know that better than anyone," he states, not accusatory, offering me a small sympathetic grin.

I don't know why fate decided to be so generous to me all of a sudden, but I'm not about to question it as I take the chance to tackle one of the demons that haunted me for so long.

"Beck, I'm so, _so_ sorry for everything I've done to you," the words tumble out together with guilty tears as I look at him pleadingly. "I never should've gone behind your back. I just… I loved her so much. I would've done anything to have her in any way I could, and it's terrible. What I did was terrible. I betrayed you, and I'm so sorry," I'm sobbing, and Beck is here to gather me in his embrace as I break down, tears staining his probably expensive button-up.

"Hey, come on now," he whispers soothingly. "Apology wholeheartedly and gladly accepted. Don't cry, okay? You know I'm horrible at handling crying women," he tries to lighten me up, and I giggle through tears.

It seems surreal, and it's entirely too easy. It's too easy to be real, his sudden appearance and acceptance.

"…Beck, why are you here?" I ask quietly, pulling away from him slightly as he heaves a deep sigh.

"Well, truth be told, I kinda thought I'd meet you both. You and Jade. I just… I've been gathering the courage to face you for over a year, and every time I almost called you up, I chickened out. I just was so ashamed of how I reacted back then."

"You have nothing to be ashamed of. I'd probably do the same thing."

"Really? You'd out me to the entire school?" He scoffs. "You and Jade… You both hurt me," he admits, eyes cast down. "But it's not an excuse for what I did. I retaliated blindly and childishly. And I'm really sorry."

"It's fine," I reply, shocked. He came to apologize? Sometimes he's too much, I swear.

"It's not, but if you can forgive me, I'll be able to put that whole mess behind. And… and I'm also sorry I left you guys," he continues sadly. "I missed you, both of you. I was just too much of a coward to face you."

"Well, so was I," we chuckle together. I hug him, wordlessly, breathing in his familiar calming scent. His lips graze the top of my head as he hugs back tightly. God, it's been a while.

"Don't leave us again, okay?" I blurt out suddenly. "I need you. I'm sure she needs you as well."

She needs someone in her life to care about her, I add to myself. That's what worries me the most: Jade being alone, now that I left. Jade and loneliness don't mix well.

"Speaking of whom… Where is she?" He asks curiously. "How did you break up? Sorry, I'm overwhelming, I'll stop."

"No, it's okay," I smile. "If anyone has a right to know about this relationship, it's you. I just got fed up and left her. She's trying to get me back."

"Nice, Tori. You got game," he smirks, laughing at my playful punch next. "So she's not here?"

I open my mouth to answer him, but I'm interrupted by Stefan who throws the door open, looking at us worriedly.

"Tori, there's a situation downstairs," he states, frowning. "You really need to break it up."

"Goddammit," I groan. "Did someone start a drunk fight? Please tell me no one's throwing up."

"Uh… It's not that," the brunette man says quickly. "Just… you're needed there."

My frown mirrors Beck's as we stand up and hurry downstairs. What the hell is happening down there? I hope no one's hurt and there are no cops involved.

But, as I turn the corner and enter the kitchen, I suddenly wish it was my previous fears.

"A word of advice, love," Klaus' cold tone cuts my ears as he addresses Jade who smirks at him mockingly. "If you want Victoria back, stop being such a bloody wanker to her friends." He steps closer to my ex, narrowing his eyes as he ignores Caroline's tugs on his arm. "And if you ever speak to Caroline in this manner, I'll make sure you won't be able to talk for a _long_ time, bint."

"An in other news, Caroline's dating a serial killer," Jade remarks melancholically. "_Pleasure_ to meet you, Nicklaus. Or, and another thing? Threaten me again, and by the time I'm finished with you, you'll be begging me to kill you already."

Klaus smirks, and I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. Judging by Caroline's apprehensive stare, she's not too fond of Jade's smirk, either.

"What's going on?" I question warily, making three heads turn as they whip around simultaneously. "What are you doing here, Jade?"

"Tori," she breathes as she smiles softly, completely tuning out the blonde pair and the world. "Look, I didn't know it was your party. I heard about it from a crew worker, and since I had nothing else to do, I decided to check this out. If I knew it was your… housewarming event, I would've stayed away."

"And you're harassing Care because?..." I raise an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest. Her lingering gaze on my pushed up cleavage makes me reconsider, and I place my hands on my hips instead, her quiet disappointed sigh not escaping my notice.

"It's just a big misunderstanding," Caroline speaks up, chuckling awkwardly. "Klaus isn't really used to our _friendly_ bickering," she throws a warning glance at Jade who raises her hands up in a mock surrender. "We're just gonna… yeah," the blonde drags her boyfriend away from the kitchen as he gives one last lingering glance to my ex. "Okay, baby, what did I tell you about threatening people in public, again/ Do not do it…" Caroline's voice fades away as the pair walks quickly somewhere inside the house.

"That was entertaining," Jade comments. "And yes, I'm fully aware you're here, Beckett, I just choose not to acknowledge your presence," she states as she pours herself a shot of, ironically, Klaus' scotch. "Hm, that's great stuff," she notes, surprised.

"Jade," I say, exasperated. "You can't just ignore Beck."

"Based on my previous experience, she kinda can," Beck reasons.

"Well, what do you want? An apology? I apologized to you once, and ended up being humiliated. _Forgive me_ if I don't want a repeat performance," she forces through her teeth, sipping at her drink.

Here we go again. While I was more than understanding of Beck's, admittedly, dick move, Jade never forgave him for it. And she's not planning on it, either, from what I could see.

"Look, Jade…"

"Nope," she cuts Beck off, looking straight at me. "I'm just gonna leave," she goes on, much softer. "I really didn't know it was your party."

"You don't have to," words leave my mouth before I fully process the idiotic idea. "I mean… You're already here. And you managed to gain one enemy in two minutes. I gotta admit, I'm kinda curious to see how the night goes from here."

"Does that mean I have to talk to him?" She asks, still not looking at Beck. I almost say yes, but he beats me to it:

"No. This isn't the place for that talk anyway, so we'll talk when you're ready," he says softly.

Jade shrugs. She's so damn stubborn sometimes. Well, all the damn time, actually. I can't decide if I hate it or it turns me on. A little bit of both, I guess: I do have a weakness for things I hate.

And fuck, she looks gorgeous, too. Casual, dark, confident – everything about her stirs up this need inside me that I'm unable to control. I've gone two whole weeks without her touch, and I absolutely crave it right now. Even at our worst, we still had each other almost every day, with passion, with hunger. Dirty sex, rough sex, angry sex, jealous sex, teasing sex – you name it, we've done it.

And now she's here, looking good, smelling incredible, and she's irresistible to my yearning body.

"I got us drinks," Stefan speaks up uncomfortably. I forgot he was here when I saw Jade. Which brings me back to the question: who _is_ he, exactly?

"Thanks, baby," Beck says, kissing his cheek, and oh look, my question is answered. Jade's eyes widen almost comically as she finally looks at Beck, gaping.

No way. No freaking… Beck's got a boyfriend. A very cute one at that.

"I'll be around if you need me, Tori," Beck says, oblivious to our surprise – most probably by choice, too. "I'm here for you too, Jade. If you decide to talk," he nods to himself, allowing Stefan to lead him away. I smile at the green-eyed man as they depart, and I'm aware it's mostly fake, to cover up the surprise and shock I'm in.

Beck's got a boyfriend.

"Beck is…" Jade trails off, leaving a sentence dangling in the air as she eyes the pair. "…Did we turn him gay?"

"You can't _turn_ people gay, Jade," I state. "And between you and Caroline, I'm seriously thinking about signing you both up for tolerance classes," I mutter in addition.

She stares at me. Next, we burst out laughing at once, shaking our heads, wiping away tears, grasping at the counter as the coiled tension leaves our guarded bodies.

"Man, what a surprise, huh," Jade speaks after our laughter subsides to rare chuckles. "I mean, Beck? Never saw that one coming."

"Well actually that explains a lot. The way he was so indifferent to female attention every time you guys broke up, and that hair of his, and he didn't really date after we… after he found out about… us," my voice drops to a whisper at the end as I avoid looking at her. I don't want to talk about that, I realize with a start. I'm not ready to rehash our past with her, because if I do, all those questions about whether or not she felt something for me back then will come to the surface, and we're messed up enough as it is.

"…Maybe I should talk to him," she sighs, sipping at her drink. "But he's right, now's not the time. I'll end up interrogating him about his boyfriend, anyway."

"I wouldn't mind some details myself," I half-smile.

"Details? Kinky," she smirks. I blush.

"I didn't mean _excessive_ details, you pervert," all I manage to mumble as I reach for Klaus' break-up remedy – yup, I'm going with that name for now.

"Tori, you hate scotch."

"I don't hate this one," I retort, barely catching myself from sticking my tongue out. Maybe drinking this is a terrible idea, because my expectations considering my alcohol tolerance were obviously unrealistic.

I think I'm just a tiny bit tipsy.

Next words out of my mouth confirm that inkling.

"Can we talk? In private?" What the hell am I doing?! I'm going to jump her bones as soon as we're alone!

"Really? Sure," Jade is all too eager to get a chance to talk to me. Among other things, my hazed mind reminds me.

I'm not tipsy, I'm fucking drunk, and me boldly grabbing Jade's wrist and tugging her upstairs only strengthens that theory. Not a theory, Tori: a fact. Now it's a fact.

Man, I'm drunk.

I giggle as I burst inside my bedroom, fumbling with the door as I lock it, turning to face her next. Why does she have to be so… so _Jade?_

"Tori… Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," she cautiously states as she gives me a once-over.

"It's the best idea," I whisper hungrily. _A bit of a delayed effect, my ass. _My small partially sober part makes a mental note to kill Klaus for that damn drink as I advance on Jade slowly, my eyes never leaving hers.

"Tell me you didn't miss me," I gasp as I stand in front of her, impossibly close, watching with satisfaction as her breathing turns erratic. "Tell me you don't want this. Tell me you don't _crave_ me."

"…I can't," she rushes out, her trembling hands coming up to rest on my waist. "I can't tell you that. I missed you, of course I fucking missed you."

I missed you, too. You're beautiful, you know that? And I love you.

"Then show me…"

Everything's spinning. I'm kissing her, it's teeth and tongues and fervent moans, she's almost breaking me with how tight she's holding me in her arms. My fingers in her hair, digging in her shoulders, her back, my mouth hot against hers as I gasp and mewl my approval.

"Tori- I'm going crazy," she whispers, and it's feverish, almost angry, her hands squeezing my hips. "You make me_ insane_. I hate it when we're without each other for so long…"

"Uh-huh," I let out as I breathe unevenly, roughly, my stomach in knots, the ache I have for her between my legs becoming intolerable. "Jade, please… I missed you…"

She's looking at me. First she's hesitant, and then there's that familiar fire in her gaze as she attacks me with her lips, making me cry out and beg as she kisses and bites me everywhere she can, my lips, my neck, my shoulders, my arms. This is a mess; I'm going to regret this, and this will be one of my best worst mistakes.

"Jade…"

And then she's gone.

She staggers several steps back from me, panting as she struggles to get herself under control, but I don't give her that chance as I come up to her, drawing her in for a desperate kiss.

"Tori, no," she mumbles pleadingly, pushing at my shoulders and holding me at an arm's length. "You're drunk. You don't want this."

"You've been terribly misinformed," I whisper urgently. "The fact that I'm _dripping_ wet suggests otherwise, Jade…"

She groans. She actually groans, almost as if she's in pain, before shaking her head and stumbling away from me again.

"We can't, Tori," she grasps my hands firmly, pressing them to her chest, against her heart. "Tori, you're drunk," she repeats, slower. "You will hate me and yourself if we allow this to happen, and you know it. And…" she reaches for my face with her hand, tenderly brushing a hair behind my ear. "When we finally make love, it's not going to be a drunken fumbling with a room full of people downstairs," she whispers, searching my eyes. "We're more than that. You're more than that."

She's right. But I'm drunk.

"Fuck this," I growl, pushing her away. "You did point it out. The house is full of people, and as of two weeks ago, I'm officially _single,_" I sneer at the hurt look on her face. "Maybe, all I need is a couple of new _friends_ to stop moping around."

"Tori," she takes hold of my elbow as I turn around to leave. "Don't do this. You know it's not right. Just sleep it off, okay?"

"I don't wanna sleep!" I exclaim angrily. "In case you didn't notice, it's _my_ party, and it's _my_ life, and you see that over there? That's _my_ bed, and I decide who _fucks_ me in it," I hiss, watching with dull satisfaction as she visibly flinches at my words. "Last chance, baby," she closes her eyes briefly as I murmur in her ears, nipping at the skin.

"Tori, stop," she begs quietly right before I plant a sloppy, drunken kiss to her mouth. Oh God, I'm getting worse. What the hell _was_ in that fucking scotch? Probably shouldn't have downed a double shot of it and chased it with a full glass of wine.

"Hey, Tori- oh_ hell_ no!"

"Great," I drawl as Jade holds me up. "Caroline the joykill. Or is it killjoy?"

"She needs to go to sleep, love."

"Jade, what the fuck?! She's wasted! I can't even _look_ at you right now, that's how furious I am!"

Why's everything spinning?

"C'mon love, let's get to bed," strong arms catch me as a soothing voice murmurs near my ear. I can't open my eyes, and more importantly, I have absolutely no desire to.

"Don't _touch_ her-"

"Jade, you've done enough! Get out, we'll take it from here."

"Caroline, I wasn't-"

"Leave, Jadelyn, we no longer require your assistance."

"You shut the fuck up, it doesn't concern you. Care, I swear, I wasn't going to do anything, I was trying to talk her out of it-"

"Jade, just leave. Just, leave, okay? We'll deal with that after I make sure she's safe."

"She _was_ safe with me!"

"Better listen to my girl and leave…"

The voices float further and further as I swim around peacefully. Or is it the room swimming in circles?

"Jade…"

The voices stop as I weakly call out her name right before I pass out.


	6. Chapter 6

_I know. I'm terrible. In my defense, I have nothing to back up the beginning of this sentence. Please forgive me? _

_Honestly, I don't know if I'll be able to post anything soon. A lot of things are happening in real life, so... I'll try as hard as I can._

_The events of this chapter are happening two months earlier. I'll fix some things in the previous chapter so it will fit better, but those are minor. You don't really need to re-read everything._

_Also, this chapter explores Jade's subtle changes in her attitude towards her relationship with Tori. Hope I make sense._

_Please review!_

* * *

_Two months earlier._

Every time I come home, I have no idea what to expect. I always brace myself for the worst. Jade with a random girl on the couch; Jade with a random girl on the floor; against the wall; on our dining table. Several scenarios out of the aforementioned have happened in the past, anyway.

Actually, her latest affair was what finalized my decision about leaving for summer tour. Caroline's been going on and on about that for ages, and one morning, I flew into the studio, my eyes red and my hands shaking, ready to sign any paper she could give me. I had to get away from the nightmare that was my relationship. If you could even call it that.

And now I'm back, and I have no idea what to expect. I did expect Jade to be ecstatic when she found out I left for the country tour. The question right now is whether her partying is still going.

I pause and take a deep breath before turning the lock. The house greets me with eerie silence. I'm astounded to find it clean: no empty bottles or naked bodies scattered on the floor. I'm even more astounded when I raise my eyes to be met with Jade's scrutinizing gaze. The cold rage in her icy blues makes me shiver involuntary.

"Welcome back," she states. There's nothing welcoming about her tone. She's not the warmest person as it is, but right now, it feels like drowning in the frozen river. "I thought you'd call. I wanted to give you a lift from the airport."

"Caroline picked me up," I reply, going with the attempted politeness as I cross the room to the stairs. "The jetlag is killing me, I think I'm gonna sleep for a while."

"That's it?"

I freeze, my knuckles turning white as I squeeze the bag handle tightly.

"What do you mean?" My tone is neutral.

"You could at least look at me, you know."

It's not the phrase that makes my blood run cold: it's her tone, soft, quiet. If I didn't know better, I'd say she sounded broken. But I do.

"I'm really tired, Jade," I utter as I turn to face her. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait."

"You just up and left." Her accusation is almost sharp, but her voice betrays her at the end as it breaks.

I keep silent as I watch her, and something boils inside me. Anger seeps into my blood as I watch her act like a caring girlfriend who's been wronged. She doesn't get to play the victim. Not after everything.

I explode.

"So I should've stayed, then, huh? What, you wanted me to stay and watch as you cheat on me right on this fucking couch?! Maybe next time I should join the fun, even, what do you say?" She blinks, shocked, and I laugh. "Yes, I left. I was going to, anyway. That's kinda my job, Jade – but thank you for making the decision so much easier."

She's next to me, suddenly, searching my face with her beautiful, beautiful eyes, and there's something new in her gaze.

For the first time in forever, I'm struck with an insane thought that maybe she's afraid of losing me as much as I'm afraid of losing her.

"Stop the drama, Vega." Her words crash into me together with the reality, wiping away the crazy hope in my heart. "We have a deal."

We do. An unspoken agreement. She's damaged; she's like that, and she can't change, and I should take it or leave it. I think I'm starting to realize it's not that she can't be someone else. She won't. Not for me.

Maybe, I should leave it, after all.

She narrows her eyes at me as she catches an unfamiliar scent. That's right, Caroline changed her perfume – again. It was bound to happen – I'm surprised it took her this long. But the thing about Jade is she's a girl of habit, and she automatically assumes that everyone's like her, too.

She thinks I've been with someone else.

"Who was it?" Her voice is so quiet I barely catch the question. When I do, my thoughts are confirmed. I decide to play dumb.

"What are you talking about?"

She backs me up against the wall, a soft growl rumbling deep in her chest as she glares at me. I drop the bag as she grabs my hands, pinning them to the wall on each side of my face.

"I can smell them all over you," she snarls, her gaze fierce. "Whose perfume is that?"

I know I'm about to play a dangerous game, but I simply can't resist. Not when I have her so riled up. It actually surprises me that she's so concerned with who I've been with. Jade is a possessive type – I knew that, the whole school knew that. Yet, she never displayed any jealousy with me; but then again, I've never actually tested her.

Now I will.

"That's for me to know and for you to lose sleep over," I snarl right back, our faces millimeters away from each other as I lean in, mocking her. "Don't worry, it wasn't a model. I'm leaving those to you."

For a second, it looks like she flinched. But only for a second.

Next, my legs are around her waist as she punishes me with her kiss, as brutal as her hand on my wrists. Another hand grips my thigh, fingers digging the flesh. I'm certain I'll find bruises there in the morning. I'm also certain I don't care.

Because no matter how poisonous she is for me, I'll always crave her touch. The tour's been a pure torture without Jade. I was unbelievably wound up, and I did try to satisfy my urges by substituting her, but I couldn't go through with it. I wish I could say it was because I'm not a cheater, but the reason is a far sadder one.

They weren't Jade.

"Jade," her name falls from my lips, broken, as she tears her mouth away, leaving me wanting more. "God…"

"Who was it?" She demands once again, her narrowed eyes concentrating on my face as she hikes up my skirt. I faintly hear a tearing sound as she rids of my panties, all the while never breaking eye contact with me. Her palm cups me next, and I'm ashamed when she finds me already wet.

I did say I craved her, didn't I?

"No one," I breathe out, technically not lying. "Please…"

I can tell by the look on her face that she wants to make me suffer. She planned on teasing me and never giving me a relief until I broke and fessed up about my supposed one-night-stand, but she overlooked one minor detail. She missed me. We may have our problems, we might be fucked up, our relationship might be damaged beyond repair, but one thing will never change. I'm the only one she's ever really satisfied with. No matter how many times she checked with all those other girls, she'll come back to me. At least that's my theory, because there has to be something that keeps her here.

Plus, the sex is phenomenal.

I gasp as she gives in, plunging two fingers inside me and driving them like mad, her body the only thing stopping me from sliding down the wall. I'm completely at her mercy, just how she likes it. But she decides to take it further.

Our lips meet in a fevered kiss again as she grabs my ass, hoisting me up on her hips and quickly walking us upstairs. My back collides with the softness of our bed next, and the familiar weight of her body on mine makes me forget about everything but us for a moment.

Next, I'm left alone, a cool draft on my heated core as she drops a quick kiss on my collarbone and picks herself up. I don't even have time to question her when she reaches in the drawer, silently watching me as her hand takes something out.

I watch her tensely as well, understanding her intentions when I see what's in her hand. She wants to fully claim me. As she steps into the harnesses of a strap-on, I feel myself clench in anticipation of what's to come. It's not often that she decided to take me this way, and when she does, it's always about possession. She wants to feel that I'm hers. It's a common fact that Jade is all about owning, plus she never did get over the fact that she wasn't the one who took my virginity. So, this is her way of re-claiming me over and over.

Little did she know, she actually was my first. I just chose not to tell her. She was drunk that night, and I don't think her conscience will handle the news well.

I probably should've stopped her that night when she decided to 'spice things up' with a fake cock. I also should've mentioned I was a virgin. I did neither. In my defense, she never asked. A flimsy one, I know.

I'm torn out of my memories as she plants a surprisingly gentle kiss on my knee, slowly reaching higher until we're face to face. My legs fall open on their own accord, entwining around her midsection.

"I missed you," the words slip from me traitorously, but it's too late to take them back. Jade scowls briefly, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out what her thoughts are about. She still thinks I slept with someone else. I wonder how she feels, knowing I let someone kiss me, touch me, take me. That someone who wasn't her got to explore most intimate of places and brought me higher than she ever did.

I'm not even sorry when I feel slight satisfaction.

"Did you, really?" She replies, still scowling, staring down at me. I choose not to answer, instead kissing her, sighing with content at the taste of her lips on mine.

Then, I cry out as she enters me, more from surprise than pain. It does feel uncomfortable at first, however. The size isn't something I'm used to.

"Slower," I gasp as she stretches me. "Go slower."

She complies.

"Tell me when to stop," her whisper is rushed against my lips as the cock keeps penetrating me. I go still once it becomes too much, shaking my head so she doesn't go further. My breathing is ragged as I try to gather myself.

"Tori." I bite my lip as a rush of arousal rips through me at my name on her lips. Especially when it sounds like that. Quiet, almost tender, filled with concern. "Should I stop…"

"No," I quickly reply. "Just… easy, okay?"

Her slow pumps indicate she understands. Soon, I'm moaning constantly at the feeling of her inside me.

"Faster," I practically beg. "Please, Jade… Jade…"

Beads of sweat form on our bodies as she picks up her pace, slamming in me at the end. A never-ending string of moans and gasps with her name mixed in-between falls from my lips, louder and louder each time she deeply thrusts.

"Fuck," she swears, her face falling to my neck, hot puffs of air covering my skin. "You feel so good…"

I lose it.

My body freezes for a second before I arch my back, trashing around as I come, screaming her name. Distantly, I feel her erratic thrusts as she nears the edge too, climaxing moments later with a loud curse.

It's never my name.

But before I have time to reflect on that fact, I'm picked up and placed on the bed, my head on her chest as she almost tenderly traces circles on my back. Her breathing is still rough and uneven and she struggles to catch it.

Maybe it's because of the situation, or because I'm still weak from my orgasm, but I decide to tell her the truth.

"It's Caroline's."

"What?"

"The perfume. She got a new one, and she hugged me, and the scent was also clouding the car. That's why I smell like her," I rush to explain.

After a moment of silence, I lift my head to look at her. Later, I will berate myself for not looking up sooner. Maybe I would have been able to see her reaction clearly, but now, as I raised my eyes to her face, I barely caught something close to relief in her eyes before it was replaced with her usual melancholy.

"Okay," she simply replies.

The disappointment feels bitter in my chest.


End file.
